Art Of Teaching

Reasons and Solutions

Marital discord can be stated as a conflict between spouses because of fight, absence of agreement, and over-all disagreement. The cause can be manifold but most common among them are the issues which can be commonly termed as such as monetary glitches, adultery, absence of quality time, and unfortunate communication.

Monetary Glitches: The main cause is disagreements over money spending habits, liabilities, lack of transparency, spending on family without intimation to the other spouse, stinginess, selfishness and varying ideas   on savings and investments lead to marital discord.

Adultery and Trust Problems: – In our Indian Society it is said that a marriage is for life. It is seen that due to the patriarchal set up even the most educated and highly placed males are found to be unfaithful, having extra-marital relations and two- timing, and the sufferers are mostly housewives with no income sources. Even the case may be vice- versa for females but percentage is less compared to males. This is because our society and culture teach us to be “Pativrata” [ A faithful and Devoted wife] and subservient to the male counterpart. This results in a deep – seated fear and lack of reliance on the better half from past experiences of betrayal, inconsistency or trauma.

Social Pressures: – Due to societal pressures, people with different sexual orientation like lesbians, gays [ Homosexuals] who are opposed to gender identity like male, female and non- binary are forced to follow societal and cultural norms for acceptance and marry as per parental choice and don’t have guts to face their differences and this leads to marital discord.

Communication Hitches: – It is necessary to have an active and truthful communiqué between spouses to avoid any kind of confusions, expectations and antipathies.

Mismatch and Impractical Outlooks: Many couples find out after marriage that there is a difference in their fundamental ideals, objectives and concerns specially in arranged marriages after their honeymoon phase is over.  This type of impractical outlooks and mismatch leads to unhappiness and disappointments.

 The problem of extended families and In-laws: – This can be termed as the most common source of fights among spouses where the parents in law try to influence their offsprings to make their spouses be moulded in a certain way.  

Total Absence of intimate relations between spouses and     passion: The distance among spouses emotionally and physically can cause partners to feel bereft and detested, leading to a collapse in the partnership.

Inadequate separation of tasks: Bitterness can be built when one partner feels they have to carry out unequal share of domestic errands, baby-sitting, or monetary loads. 

        What can be the likely solutions: –

The most practical and reverential style and hands-on and individual explanations are as follows: –

 Truthful Communiqué: The couple need to spend quality time and discuss issues very peacefully without shouting or name calling. Instead of calling each other dumb and proving one’s intelligence and one upmanship there is a necessity to listen actively to your spouse’s viewpoint and communicate your own fervour.

Reciprocal of Esteem and Compassion: It is necessary to treat each other with esteem, even during differences. There is a need to be democratic in outlook and try to understand the other’s point of view every time.

Give importance to “Couple Time”:  If a marriage lacks novelty and common benefits there will be total lack of physical and emotional connect leading to dissatisfaction and lack of priority to the spouse can lead to a failed marriage and eventual breakup.  

Necessity to manage funds and assets together with transparency: It is necessary to have accounts and financial and other assets in joint names, a collective budget and openness in financial transactions.

In laws and extended families:  It is necessary for both partners to present a joint front in front of their In- laws and extended families and create clear limitations for them which they cannot cross and prevent any kind of external meddling and inner fights.

 Try Marital Counselling: If there are persistent problems of domestic violence, drug abuse or addiction it is suggested to seek the help of a counsellor to develop adequate problem-solving skills to save the marriage

 I end by saying that no two persons are same or perfect in their approach. There are differences and it is necessary to accept the flaws in your spouse and work on them instead of complaining and bickering all the time.

In our society, not only the upper class, but also in the middle and lower middle class, there are instances of domestic violence which is taken for granted to avoid conflict for the sake of children and society.

We need to understand the limitations of the other half and not treat them like slaves. For this fair division of responsibilities is a must. Also, if you are in a relationship you need to understand each other’s priorities and health issues, be sympathetic and act accordingly.

Please remember- Marriage is like a glass, once there is a crack, it can be somewhat mended but the fine line of the crack remains forever. Never compromise on your individuality and respect. If there are no love and respect and even after continuous efforts to make the marriage work, there are issues then it is better to go separate ways then staying together and making each other’s lives miserable. But nobody should walk away at the first instance of trouble without trying to solve the issues. These becomes mandatory when there are children involved.

 According to the Deccan Chronicle and Hack Decks, the “3 X 3 rule” for marriage suggests allocating time for couples to strengthen their relationship. It typically involves each partner getting three hours of one-on-one time with their spouse and three hours of personal alone time each week. This balance can help busy couples maintain a connection with their partner and with themselves.